"I too go up to Jerusalem"

Wrapping my head around the things I feel God is leading me towards leaves me dizzy.

There is no resolve.

No final answer to the resounding question passing through my mind in circles.

Like a lonely unclaimed bag that keeps slowly moving along the carousel.

The question "Why this Lord?" followed by the smaller "Why now?" move along that slow silver track.

Coming back again unclaimed, unanswered.

Justifying the "stupid" (by our worldly eye we may call it so) things God has told me to do seems like trying to explain to people on a metro why you are sitting on a pony whose hair is in pink little braids. No matter how much you talk about the happiness this pony is going to bring when you get where your going, you have no business bringing a pony on a metro. They may smile and nod... but you're still crazy. This difference between the pony situation and mine is that I know this is where God is leading (granted after God had Jeremiah burying loin clothes in the desert I would not be surprise by the pony thing one bit). I know this is the right walk.. but I feel no one would believe me if I tried. My heart yearns for support and encouragement that I know I won't get. I will be met with a hollow "Oh that's great." My selfish pride cant handle that.

I was struggling once again with the way my life is not visibly going in the direction I THINK it should. "I want to work with children God.. so I should be running street programs with abused kids in Brazil right?" But my Gods vision is so much clearer than my own. His direction is in the end the ONLY one. That's when I read this in my devotional:

"In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him?”. . . till we all come . . . to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ . . .” (Ephesians 4:13), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord."

In our Lord’s life, Jerusalem was the place where He reached the culmination of His Father’s will upon the cross, and unless we go there with Jesus we will have no friendship or fellowship with Him. Nothing ever diverted our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord even the slightest degree away from His purpose to go “up to Jerusalem.”

“A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master” (Matthew 10:24). In other words, the same things that happened to our Lord will happen to us on our way to our “Jerusalem.” There will be works of God exhibited through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude while the rest will show total ingratitude, but nothing must divert us from going “up to [our] Jerusalem.”

“. . . there they crucified Him . . .” (Luke 23:33). That is what happened when our Lord reached Jerusalem, and that event is the doorway to our salvation. The saints, however, do not end in crucifixion; by the Lord’s grace they end in glory. In the meantime our watchword should be summed up by each of us saying, “I too go ’up to Jerusalem.’ "

-'My Utmost For His Highest' by Oswald Chambers