The big FAT issue.

I've struggled with my weight for the last 3 1/2 years.

Oh well, hasn't every single women of my generation.

I would normally be ashamed to admit I struggle with such an issue of vanity.. until I realized why it is an issue.
The thing that bothers me is not so much the weight itself..

 its the fact of where I am
 and where I could be
 and what is keeping me there.


Aphorism #2
Nearly everything is attainable.

I ran cross country for a few years back in high school. I was an average runner. I can tell you almost every race I ever lost was a decision I made. When it came to the last 100m I decided whether I would win or loose.

The one holding the trophy at the end was truly the one with the most determination. They were the one with the goal directly in site during the entire race.  They decided (and there decision was stronger than any other) to win.
It was of course more than one decision made at one race but one made over every practice. One repeated in there mind as they put in weekend miles.

The struggle with my weight isn't so much about the weight itself.
But WHY its there that bothers me so much.

It shows me how weak my mentality really is. This lack of inner strength is something that frightens me. How can I "run the race" as Paul suggested if my strength quickly gives out?

Lord, I just ask that you not only continue to teach me inner strength daily through you, you make it something that begins to ingrain itself in me so very deeply. Lord teach me self control and the ability to deny myself of my own desires and really run the race with the mind set as to win. I dont want to get almost through your plans for me and quit. I can see the faults of my flesh and it scares me to think they could keep me from the works you have set out for me. Let me conquer myself.
For your glory Lord.

Aphorism #1

God is better than any of his gifts.

Diet for the soul

Fact: You learn your true willpower when you deny yourself something your body craves.

Food.


I have been doing this certain diet for the past two weeks to deal with some physical issues I have had since I was 15. In the hopes that by the end of this I will feel better I have put myself through two weeks of difficulty and hunger. I CANNOT eat: Anything with yeast or sugar.. so there goes all your grains and sweets. I can't eat fruit or high starch veggies such as potatoes or carrots. No dairy with the exception of the occasional plain unsweetened yogurt. Nothing processed.. pretty much nothing with any carbs in it.. at all.

That leaves me.....



Hungry.


My diet is pretty much veggies and meat and very hard.
I have started to realize how little willpower I really have. How easy it is for me to start entertaining thoughts of other foods! :( I wish the desires of my flesh were easily ignored but they scream at me. They are all to audible even with a parade three years olds calling my name.
It interesting how my cravings have changed, instead of insisting I be aloud a chocolate or a piece of cake I find myself cheating with a spoon full of peanut butter and a bag of baby carrots.

See the diet works like this.
NO CHEATING.
If I cheat its back to square one.
It makes me think of how we so quickly cheat ourselves out of whats good for us by reaching for what we want in the moment. Sure a spoon full of peanut butter may make me feel good while I'm eating it. But what about a lifetime (or even a year) symptom free from my condition?


So many easy concepts found right here... that display themselves across my whole life.
If my willpower is weak against my own flesh and desires? What about when the desires of the world press themselves against me?

We must fight even in the small things.
For really isn't every battle still part of the war?