My first job in 742 days

It's crazy to imagine it been that long since I lived a normal life.
Working a normal job.
Paying bills.
Living in America.

While I still don't have a vehicle I started working at a daycare just three miles from my home, which is great because I can bike there. Its also amazing because nothing is three miles from my home. Literally.
:)

The daycare is great, I have my own classroom full of three year olds to occupy my time. All the kids call me Miss Leilah and give me hugs whenever they can.

They also can run around like crazed toddlers on a sugar rush.

I have around 10 three years olds most days... and they are mostly all boys, which means I am getting pretty good at breaking up fights between small humans.
I am really happy. I finally feel like I'm doing something.




But something is still off.
And I'm working on figuring out what that is.

Persian Melon

When I was living  in Azerbaijan I made a list of things I wanted to do when I got home.

It included things like: Get a hair cut, get a facial, get a manicure... ect.

You have to understand this was my ninth month of traveling and you start to feel half human around that point. I felt so worn that all I wanted to do was scrap my face off and start over fresh.

It's just that... a fresh start.

Thats where Persian Melon comes in.

Persian melon.
Thats the shade of lipstick I found in my grandma Gails drawer. It was the first time I had been to her home since she past away... over a year later. It made me laugh to see such a shade of pink. I think I took it because it smelled like her, I find myself holding on in funny ways. 
Persian Melon...
What does that even mean? :)


I finally got a job, it's at a daycare working with 3 year olds.
In celebration I decided to buy a lipstick. I haven't bought makeup in almost 4 years, when you live like I do you dont really have money for those little things.
I ended up at the Revlon rack.. 72 colors to choose from.
And I saw that green tube with a gold band around the middle.
Sure enough


Persian Melon
So I bought it.


Im ready for a fresh start, and in my own girly way I'm trying to show it with something as small as a lipstick.

Tried to take photos today

And I quickly realized its the end of winter in Sunman.

I walked for over two hours and came back with nothing more than aggravation. It's not exactly the best recipe for someone already starving for motivation.
 I just wanted one shot.

No car.
No Job.
Live in the middle of nowhere.
More than broke.
No motivation.
Waining passion.

This is too ridiculous to be a coincidence.
God has crippled me, and I know he didn't just do it so I'll be really happy when it finally works out for me.
I wanna do more than just make it through this time.

He has to want more for me than that.

Sometimes I wonder

What the heck are you doing here God?

Who am I kidding...

Thats what I'm always wondering.









Its a surprise.
And the surprise is always better than my own theories.