A nice beautiful man

I was asked today if I was seeing someone.
Caught slightly off guard I merely shook my head and waited for an explanation.
"A friend of mine is looking to hook-up with someone. He's beautiful."

I smiled and laughed as my co-worker went on to explain her handsome friend.

My stomach dropped as she walked away.

I decided to stop dating at the ripe old age of 17. After several pointless high school relationships had left me less than fulfilled I said "Heck with that." and took a time out on love.
And here I sit at 21, looking over the vast sea that is the 5 years between then and now.

There have been moments, especially recent ones where I have thought I could be ready to date again. Not that I have anyone in mind, but being a young woman means by default I'm still looking.
But when presented with merely the idea of beautiful bachelor #1, my stomach turned
That means something.

I've wanted to be shallow since I was a teenager. Really.
Shallow people are never alone because they're never too picky about who they're with. To them love seems as easy to find as a costumed child on Halloween. Nothing seems to difficult in that lifestyle.

But me, I'm perpetually stuck here, the November 1st of ghost-less searching.
And that has to be ok. I can't date bachelor #1, because if his only quality is beauty... I'd be so bored.


The Ideal, MY Ideal, is out there.
Settling for less would be shallow, because settling for less than love leaves you ankle deep in passion.

Thats useless when you're designed to need an ocean.


I want more than "a nice guy", and God's told me I deserve it.