The making of broken

To explain to you why I am where I am would be impossible, because its information even I dont have. My entries before can explain the hesitation the confusion and the realization that I dont know how to walk this life of surrender out. I don't know how, but I will try.

The basics-
He spoke, I ignored
He pressed, I argued
He smiled, I gave in.
Out of love we obey Him.

He moved my heart and I sold my car to pay for the ticket that would get me from Sunman Indiana to Capetown South Africa. The place where two years ago it all began for me. My beginning. Two years to the very day.

Ah, My dear sweet land, I never let your dust fall from my feet.

As to the why I'm in the mother land, the closest to an answer I can give would be the Photography school in Media Village I am attending. There is so much more to be gained here than a skill.

Class begins on monday and I dont think im ready. My heart is crying out at what it calls stupidity, "This is to much. I will break, why would you leave the place that never challenged? The place that offered comfort in stability."

But my heart and I are breaking here, and through the cracks He slips in more and more. If this is what it takes to know you, then I cant not do it.